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Insults V

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. -- Groucho Marx

I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion. -- Robert Louis Stevenson

I treasure every moment that I do not see her. -- Oscar Levant

I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? -- Ashleigh Brilliant

I will always love the false image I had of you. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

I wish I'd known you when you were alive. -- Leonard Louis Levinson

I worship the quicksand he walks in. -- Art Buchwald

I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland. -- Eugene McCarthy

If he were any dumber, he'd be a tree. -- Barry Goldwater

If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog. -- Joan Rivers

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? -- Charles Pierce

In her last days, she resembled a spoiled pear. -- Gore Vidal (about Gertrude Stein)

In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority. -- Ellen Glascow

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. -- Charles, Count Talleyrand

Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? -- Dr. Gonzo

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey. -- Jeff Foxworthy

Like the little man on top of the wedding cake. -- Harold Ickes

Little things affect little minds. -- Benjamin Disraeli

Mind is so open that the wind whistles through it. -- Heywood Braun

Nature not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write. -- A. E. Housman

Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache. -- Alan Bennett

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (about Douglas MacArthur)

Next-day delivery in a nanosecond world. -- Van Jacobson

No more sense of direction than a bunch of firecrackers. -- Rob Wagner

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast. -- W. S. Gilbert

No woman of our time has gone further with less mental equipment. -- Clifton Fadiman

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. -- Oscar Wilde

Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid. -- Heinrich Heine

Please try not to be such a wiener-head. -- Dave Barry

Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life. -- Ivy Compton-Burnett

Shakespeare never has six lines together without a fault. -- Samuel Johnson

Sharp as a sack full of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn

She's a vacuum with nipples. -- Otto Preminger (about Marilyn Monroe)

She's been on more laps than a napkin. -- Walter Winchell

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. -- Gypsy Rose Lee

She's good, being gone. -- William Shakespeare

She's got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her earrings bang together. -- John Cantu

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees. -- Joan Rivers

She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong. -- Mae West

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression. -- C. S. Lewis

She could carry off anything; and some people said that she did. -- Ada Leverson

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. -- Groucho Marx

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