- Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
- Who me? I just wander from room to room
- And your crybaby whiny-ass opinion would be...?
- Do I look like a fucking people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- You!... Off my planet!
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- A PBS mind in an MTV world.
- Allow me to introduce my selves.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Entreprenuer, n.: A high-rolling risk taker who would rather be a spectacular failure than a dismal success.
Expert, n.: Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
Memo, n.: An interoffice communication too often written more for the benefit of the person who sends it than the person who receives it.
The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done. -- James J. Ling
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. -- Mary Little
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. -- John Lennon
It's no fun if you don't have to work at it....at least a little bit.... -- Trevor Schadt
Is this an all day job? -- The Foreman
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -- Mike Romanoff
All warranty and guarantee clauses become null and void upon payment of invoice.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Kinkler's First Law: Responsibility always exceeds authority.
Kinkler's Second Law: All the easy problems have been solved.
When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder. -- James H. Boren