Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
They ought to make butt-flavored cat food. -- Gallagher
....an animal loses not only its life but also its third dimension. -- Roger M. Knutson, Flattened Fauna: A Field Guide to Common Animals of Roads, Streets,and Highways
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea): For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
Everyone's head is a cheap movie show. -- Jeff G. Bone
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so you better get used to it.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx
God grant me the senility to accept the things I cannot change, The frustration to try to change things I cannot affect, and the wisdom to tell the difference.
A fool is one who hunts around a darkened house, searching for farts. -- old Peruvian saying
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
What's up with my cat? She looks at me strangely when I sing and dance for her. -- cat owner calls Iams
It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess. -- Roger Noe
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.