The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. -- Mark Twain

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. -- Alexander Woollcott

The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along. -- Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine, Last Chance to See (1990)

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house -- Fran Leibowitz (?)

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. -- Groucho Marx

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny -- did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal. -- Blair

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please -- Mark Twain

Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. -- Aldous Huxley

The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. -- Dave Barry

The first 90% of the job takes the first 90% of the time. The last 10% of the work takes the other 90% of the time.

Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease." Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."

Mistakes are often the stepping stones to failure.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones

Be different: Conform.

Now let's all repeat the non-conformist oath.

And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. -- Revelations 13:17

History is prolog.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. -- Mark Twain

A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.

Mediocrity finds safety in standardization. -- Frederick Crane

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rouchefoucauld

Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made. -- Immanuel Kant

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends .. If they are okay, then it's you. -- Rita Mae Brown

There are two excesses: to exclude reason, to admit nothing but reason. The supreme achievement of reason is to realise that there is a limit to reason. Reason's last step is the recognition that there are an infinite number of things which are beyond it. It is merely feeble if it does not go as far as to realise that. -- Blaise Pascal (1657), Pensées

Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. -- Robert A. Heinlein, Notebooks of Lazarus

The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi. -- Booboo