Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.

Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date.

It's best for employers that I not work with people.

Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.

If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.

You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!

I am sicking and entry-level position.

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy.

Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house.

I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so.

I need just enough money to have pizza every night.

My compensation should be at least equal to my age.

I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience.

My primary goal is to be recognized.

My salary requirement is $34 per year.

I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.

I am superior to anyone else you could hire.

I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live.

Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However...

I worked here full-time there.

I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one.

You are privileged to receive my resume.

Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!

I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment.

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